convo between me and a grocery store cashier

Me: Hi...um ya'll don't sell cigarettes in here do you?

Cashier: No.......................(whispering) but we sell weed.

Me: Huh?

Cashier: (whispering, again) We sell weed.

Me: Ha! um, yeah i actually already have some of that...thanks

Cashier: Yeah?

- me looking down at my purchases: a bushel of fresh spinach, 3 packs of Jello (black cherry, strawberry and lime), 10 rolls of british rowntree candies (for my mother actually), and a bag of cheddar kettle corn (OMG SOOOO GOOD!)

Me: YEAH!

--------30 seconds pass-----------

Cashier: .........you smoke weed?!

Me: Doesn't everyone?!

Cashier: ha...true. debit or credit?

Me: Debit....ok thanks, have a good night!

Cashier: you too!!

with ILLITERACY and justice for all.

this is what happens when your copy editor gets laid off.

ALSO, a clip from the brilliant recap of MTV's "The City" written by Gawker's Richard:

"So, um, yeah Whitney went on a date with your dad and then she had sad kangaroo dinner with Jay. Jay said "are you trying to make me jealous?" and Whitney blinked at him for a while and then a computer motherboard fell out of her face and God yelled "cut!"

heart richard forevs.

tell me how this makes sense

so i finally made it home to brooklyn only to be greeted by a $400 cell phone bill.

it was my FIRST t-mobile bill, a service i switched to in order to SAVE money per month seeing as i have no green. so i freak out, i have horribly mediocre dreams related to stress about boys and public humiliation all night and wake my ass up nice and early to head to the t-mobile store to ask the age old question, "what the fuck!?"

as it turns out t-mobile does not consider the UNITED STATES virgin islands, where i grew up and where my parents still reside, a US call therefore it is international, therefore i got charged out the ass for them. even the fucking security guard in the t-mobile store, upon being left alone with me while my attendant spoke with his manager in the secret (7th circle of hell) t-mobile office, had to drive the stake deeper by being verbally awed at my naivety. GUESS WHAT ASSHOLE, THE US VIRGIN ISLANDS ARE A TERRITORY, I KNOW THEY ARE NOT STATES, I'M NOT RETARDED, AND TO PROVE THAT I SUBMIT INTO EVIDENCE EXHIBIT A. I AM NOT A SECURITY GUARD AT THE T-MOBILE STORE IN CHELSEA.

ok, ok...that's enough sydney, i know that was a bit out of hand. i don't even have a real job so he obviously is smarter than me.

so my attendant puts me on the phone with the customer service people and i try to set up a payment plan for the $400 bill i will definitely not be able to pay by january 15th and GUESS FUCKING WHAT?! because i am a new customer i am not allowed to set up a payment plan, since it is my first bill. BUT HERE IS WHERE IT GETS REALLY GOOD. if i let my due date pass and let my account go into suspension then i can set up a payment plan. so i ask, "are there going to be late fees incurred when my account goes into suspension" to which the obvious answer is "YES!!!!!"

so i would like to know who the fucking brain trust is behind that brilliant idea.

and i also would like to briefly state reasons why the world should stop shitting on me:

1. i am a fairly decent and caring individual, seriously when i play board games like Parcheesi where you get to move extra spaces for knocking your competitors back to home, i often choose to not do so and rather gain the love and respect of my opponents. stupid? maybe.

2. i have had a hard year...and by "year" i am talking non-calendar. or like think jewish year.

3. i can't think of more reasons right now because i am so stressed out just seriously, please stop. SAFE WORD...ORANGE. ORANGE ORANGE ORANGE ORANGE.